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Miscellaneous Information:Why is the flame a symbol of Jewish death?
In Judaism, candles are the universal symbol for the divine spark that inhabits the body. The Bible states,כז נֵר יְהוָה, נִשְׁמַת אָדָם חֹפֵשׂ, כָּל-חַדְרֵי-בָטֶן “The sprit of the human is the lamp of the Eternal” (Proverbs 20:27). This is why, Brighton Memorial Chapel, and many other Jewish funeral homes have a flame associated with their logo.
Why do some people throw grass over shoulder?
There is a custom of plucking grass from the cemetery. The Chief Rabbi of Safed, Moshe ben Yosef Trani, (1500- 1580) stated that we pluck the grass after the burial as a reminder of the resurrection. The idea stems from Psalm in the passage from the Shulchan Aruch (72:18): “They shall spring up as the grass of the field.”
Can there be a fraternal ceremony at a Jewish funeral?
Locally, many Jewish men are members of either the Knights of Pythias or a Masonic Lodge. Usually, fraternal services are not done at a Jewish funeral, but it would depend on the venue of the service and the rabbi officiating.
What are the rules for Kohanim?
The Torah lays down special rules for the descendants of Aaron who conducted the sacrifices in the Tabernacle and later in the Temple. Members of this family were known as Kohanim (the plural of Kohen) which means priest. The Torah states that a Kohen should not make himself unfit for priestly duty by coming into the presence of a dead body except for close relatives. Despite the fact that they are no longer called upon to offer sacrifices, Kohanim are still not permitted to be under the same roof as a corpse, unless it is for one of the seven close relatives within Judaism. Nor should he come within six feet of a grave. It is also a common practice to bury Kohanim by the side of paths so that relatives can visit without being regarded as defiled. In order to avoid breaking these laws, Brighton Memorial Chapel is able to provide a Kohanim room, with a separate roof line for mourners to participate, with our state of the art audio and video system.
Seven is a common theme in Judaism. What are some examples?
The number seven appears prominently in Judaism. Below are just a few examples:
- Shabbat (Sabbath) is on the 7th Day of the week.
- On Sukkot we shake 7 species - 1 Lulav, 1 Esrog, 2 willows, and 3 myrtles.
- There are 7 holidays in the Jewish year: Rosh Hashana, Yom Kippur, Sukkot, Chanukah, Purim, Passover, and Shavuot.
- At every Jewish wedding, 7 blessings are recited (Sheva Brachot).
- Each Shabbat, 7 people are called to the Torah reading (Aliyot).
- Traditionally, the bride circles the groom 7 times under the chuppah (wedding canopy).
- We wind the tefillin straps around the arm 7 times.
- God Created 7 levels of heaven. (Hence the expression, "I'm in 7th heaven!")
- On Shabbat and holidays, we recite 7 blessings in the silent Amidah.
- We dance 7 circles (hakafot) on the holiday of Simchat Torah.
- We conclude our Yom Kippur prayers by proclaiming 7 times, "The Lord is God!"
- We recite 7 blessings every day before and after the "Shema" (3 in the morning and 4 at night).
The number seven is prominent in funeral customs as well.
- Shiva, referring to the seven day mourning period, is based on the Hebrew word for seven. The Jewish custom of mourning is based on the verse in Genesis 50:10, where Joseph mourns his father Jacob for a week.
- At an orthodox service, the pallbearers stop seven times while carrying the casket to the grave, while Psalm 91 is recited. The stops represent the seven stages of life.
- The Sephardic (Jews of Spanish decent) have the custom of placing the casket on the ground and walking around it seven times before it is placed at the grave.
Should Children Attend the Funeral?
This is a decision for the family to make. There is no set rule. If a child is old enough to understand the purpose of the funeral, and to know that people are upset, then generally that child should come to the funeral. Their presence aids in understanding the finality of death. Some children may be more frightened by what they imagine, then by what actually happens. A child ages 8 to10 on should be permitted to attend, but a child should never be forced. Allow a child to make their own decision after explaining to them what they will encounter. By witnesses the burial, a child may get the realistic answers to the questions “Where is my loved one now?” Children deserve the right to say goodbye and express their love to someone significant in their lives. It is important that an adult take time to explain what has happened, to listen to the child’s feelings and to dispel any mistaken conclusions that might have drawn. A rabbi is often willing to talk with a child before the service as well as share available resources. If a child chooses not to attend, perhaps writing a note to a loved one can serve as a goodbye. These notes may be placed in the casket, unless a taharah (ritual washing) is requested. Brighton Memorial Chapel has pamphlets regarding children and death. “Talking With Young Children About Death, A Message from Fred Rogers (of Mister Roger’s Neighborhood) and How to Explain Death to Children by Rabbi Earl A. Grollman, D.D. are available, at no charge.
Naming a Child.
It is traditional to name a child after a deceased relative in order to perpetuate the memory and to express hope that the positive qualities of the deceased find expression in the child’s life. The Sephardic (Jews of Spanish decent) practice is to name a child after a living relative.
Why Flowers are not part of the Jewish Funeral.
Flowers are not a part of the Jewish burial customs, and are strongly discouraged because in a few days time they will wither, providing a painful symbol of the family's loss. Instead, people are encouraged to give tzedakah (charity). Tzedakah is a traditional way to give a meaningful and enduring tribute in memory of a person. Making a contribution in memory of the deceased to a temple, school, organization, hospital or any other charity, especially one in which the deceased had an interest in, is a sign of respect, and helps in keeping that person's memory alive. Donations are requested in one's memory, often in lieu of flowers, with the hope that a donation to a charity will go much further, and benefit more people, then the few days flowers would be enjoyed. Click here for more info.
Why is Kaddish recited for only 11 months, when the mourning period is 12 months?
According to Jewish tradition, the soul must spend some time purifying itself before it can enter the world to come. The maximum time required for purification is 12 months, for the most evil person. To recite Kaddish for 12 months would imply that one’s parent was the type of person who needed 12 months of purification. To avoid this implication, the Sages decreed that a child should recite Kaddish for only eleven months.
Funerals for intermarried couples.
According to the National Jewish Population Survey 2000-01, 47% of marriages involving Jews in the United States between 1996 and 2001 were intermarriages with non-Jewish partners. Rates of intermarriage have increased in other countries as well. Because Brighton Memorial Chapel is a strictly Jewish funeral home, we would only handle the funeral arrangements for the Jewish spouse. Because we share space with Miller Funeral Homes, an all faith funeral home, we are in a unique position to help intermarried families. The sharing of the two funeral homes allows us to give intermarried families some uniformity to funeral services. Families can use our chapel for both sets of services, choose similar merchandise and be pointed in the direction of burial plots where both husband and wife can be buried next to one and other.
When can you visit a grave?
Depending on whom you ask, mourners should not visit the cemetery for the first thirty days (shloshim). Others, say the mourners can visit the grave after the conclusion of shiva. Many people visit the cemetery on the occasion of yahrzeit. Individuals can offer prayers and recite psalms in Hebrew or English. It is traditional that when you attend a burial, you do not visit anyone else’s grave. This is done out of respect to the person who is being buried. The exception to the rule is that if someone has traveled a great distance, or if another trip will cause undue hardship, then one is allowed to visit someone else’s grave. Jewish custom indicates that stones, picked up at the grave site, may be placed as a memorial sign on the monument. After the visit, one washes the hands as a symbol of purification.
Tattoos
While halakha (Jewish law) forbids tattoos, there is a common myth that Jews with tattoos are not permitted to be buried in Jewish cemeteries. This is not true, and a Jew with a tattoo would receive a normal funeral service. Survivors of the Holocaust were forced to have numbers tattooed onto their arm. This does not prevent them from a proper Jewish burial.
The Jewish Month of Adar
The yahrzeit of a person who died during the month of Adar in a regular year is observed in a leap year during Adar I. Similarly, there are other special cases involving the yahrzeit of a person who died on the thirtieth day of Marcheshvan, Kislev or First Adar, all of which are dates which do not occur every year. In all such circumstances, the rabbi should be consulted to determine the correct yahrzeit date.
Afterlife & Reincarnation
Judaism teaches that death is not the cessation of our existence. Rather, death is a transition from one state of being to another -moving from this world (Olam Ha’ze) to the world to come (Olam Ha’ba).
The Prophet Ezekiel spoke of resurrection during his exile in Babylon in 550 BCE. He wrote in Ezekiel 37:11-12
יא וַיֹּאמֶר, אֵלַי, בֶּן-אָדָם,
הָעֲצָמוֹת הָאֵלֶּה כָּל-בֵּית יִשְׂרָאֵל
הֵמָּה; הִנֵּה אֹמְרִים, יָבְשׁוּ
עַצְמוֹתֵינוּ וְאָבְדָה תִקְוָתֵנוּ
נִגְזַרְנוּ לָנוּ.
יב לָכֵן הִנָּבֵא וְאָמַרְתָּ אֲלֵיהֶם,
כֹּה-אָמַר אֲדֹנָי יְהוִה, הִנֵּה אֲנִי
פֹתֵחַ אֶת-קִבְרוֹתֵיכֶם וְהַעֲלֵיתִי
אֶתְכֶם מִקִּבְרוֹתֵיכֶם, עַמִּי;
וְהֵבֵאתִי אֶתְכֶם, אֶל-אַדְמַת
יִשְׂרָאֵל.
11 Then He said unto me: 'Son of man, these bones are the whole house of Israel; behold, they say: Our bones are dried up, and our hope is lost; we are clean cut off.
12 Therefore prophesy, and say unto them: Thus saith the Lord GOD: Behold, I will open your graves, and cause you to come up out of your graves, O My people; and I will bring you into the land of Israel.
Ezekiel’s famous vision of the “Valley of Dry Bones” may be interpreted metaphorically as the collective destiny of the Jewish people and not necessarily indicative of a post death fate. However, as history has proven, the Jewish people have returned to the land of Israel after 2,000 years of wandering, and a symbolic resurrection occurred.
According to mainstream rabbis, a collective resurrection would occur at the “end of days,” ushering in the arrival of the Messiah, where a New World order would be established, and all bodies would arise; their souls restored to them. This notion of a physical resurrection has been a source of comfort and hope for many throughout history.
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