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3rd Stage of Mourning - Shloshim - שלושים
The thirty days following burial, with the day of burial counting as the first day. Shiva (seven) is the first seven days of shloshim. Shloshim (thirty) ends on the morning of the thirtieth day after the funeral. The period from the end of shiva to the end of shloshim is one of transition from deep bereavement to resuming life's normal routine. This is the time when mourners return to work or school and begins living life without their loved one. Traditionally, during shloshim, a mourner avoids music and forms of celebration. As withshiva, some festivals affect the shloshim period. Your rabbi will advise you how a festival or life cycle event such as a previously scheduled wedding or Bar/Bat Mitzvah impacts this mourning period. When mourning a parent's death, restrictions continue for eleven months. This period is called Shneim asar chodesh שדוח רשע םינש. Children continue reciting the Kaddish during these additional months, whereas a mourner for all other relatives ends at shloshim.
4th Stage of Mourning - Yahrzeit
Yahrzeit - Anniversary of Death.
The yahrzeit is the annual anniversary of the death of a person based on the Hebrew calendar. This day is observed as a solemn day of remembrance. Yahrzeit is a Yiddish word meaning “a year’s time.” The day is observed by lighting a memorial candle or light the evening before the day of the yahrzeit. This candle or light should burn for twenty-four hours. Often, people attend synagogue or a place where there is a minyan (10 Jewish men) on the yahrzeit day to say Kaddish for their loved one. If your temple notifies you of a family member’s yahrzeit, they will often read your loved one’s name on the Shabbat (Sabbath) service before the actual yahrzeit date. Families often attend this service for that reason. It is also common for a family member to have an Aliyah, or to “go up” to the bima (the platform where the Torah is read) in honor of their deceased loved one. Lighting one candle for all relatives who have passed away is sufficient. Electric plug-in lights are a suitable replacement for people who do not feel comfortable with an open flame.
Yizkor –זכורי Memorial Prayers
On the major Jewish holidays (Yom Kippur, Shemini Atzeret, the last day of Passover and Shavuot) there is a memorial service called Yizkor. In Hebrew, Yizkor means “May God Remember.” Traditionally, a yahrzeit light is lit at sunset the night before each of these holidays, to remember a loved one.
Originally, in the 12th century, the Yizkor service was said only on Yom Kippur to remember and honor those who were killed in the programs and the crusades. Over the years, Yizkor became a service to remember our own loved ones as well as the Jewish martyrs. About 400 years ago the Yizkor service was added to the liturgy of Passover (Yizkor is observed on the last day of Passover), Shemini Atzeret (8th day of Sukkot) and the second day of Shavuot. The Mourner’s Kaddish is part of the Yizkor service.
People who have lost a parent, spouse, child or sibling usually stay for the Yizkor service. In some congregations, those who have not lost anyone for whom to say Yizkor, often leave the sanctuary. In other congregations, everyone stays for the Yizkor service. Sometimes, additional prayers are said for Jewish martyrs and victims of the Holocaust.
In the Yizkor service we remember those who have died, but the word “Yizkor” is actually a request that we make of God to remember the deceased. Remembrance, then, is something that we do in partnership with God.
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