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1st Stage of Mourning - Aninut - אנינות
Time between Death and Burial Who is a mourner?
Mourners are those who are immediately related to the deceased. There are seven mourners in Judaism – husband, wife, mother, father, son, daughter, brother, sister. From the moment of death until burial takes place, these seven people are considered an onen (bereaved person), and have no religious obligations except for arranging the funeral. Once burial takes place, these seven onen officially become mourners.
Autopsies
While the soul or spirit leaves the body upon death, it is important to treat the body which once housed the soul or spirit with dignity and respect. Therefore an autopsy is contrary to Jewish law, since autopsies are viewed as a desecration of the body. In most cases when an autopsy is recommended, the family is able to refuse. There are some times when an autopsy may be required by law or is needed for other reasons. Consult your rabbi with any questions.
Organ Donation
Is viewed as pikuach nefesh (the saving of a life.) It is a mitzvah (good deed) to bring matan chai'm (gift of life) or improve a life. If you wish to be an organ donor, please be sure to inform your family. Specific questions regarding organ donation should be directed to your rabbi. Click here to learn more information about organ donation in Monroe County:
www.donorrecovery.org
Embalming
According to Jewish tradition, embalming (the unnatural preservation of the dead) and the use of cosmetics on the deceased are not permitted. Embalming is not required by civil law.
Viewing
Viewing is not traditionally a part of the Jewish custom. It is thought to be disrespectful because it creates an unequal relationship, because you are looking upon someone who cannot look back at you. However, there are some family members who may need to see their loved one to help face the reality of death. In some cases this is needed to help the grieving process, especially for relatives who have not seen their loved one in a long time. It is best to remember a loved one when they were happy and well, and not be left with the lasting image of them lying in a casket. Upon request, Brighton Memorial Chapel can arrange for a family to have some private time with a loved at the funeral home prior to the funeral service.
Cremation
Cremation is not traditionally accepted in Judaism. The Jewish tradition is to be buried in the ground. Halakha (Jewish law) forbids cremation because it believes the soul will remain restless and wander for eternity. Another common belief is that Jews were burned to death over the centuries - during the Inquisition, in the wooden synagogues and ghettoes of Europe, and in Nazi concentration camps during the Holocaust. Some believe it is inappropriate for us to willingly add to the cremation of our people and is often viewed as blasphemy. Some Jewish families that are reform or not very religious choose cremation. People chose cremation because it is less expensive or because it is more ecologically friendly. Brighton Memorial Chapel offers cremation for families that request it. There are many options once the cremation takes place. Ashes can be buried (depending if there are any religious requirements within the cemetery section), scattered at sea or to the “four winds”, or given back to the family, just to name a few. A service is often held before a burial, but many people are unaware that the same opportunities are also available before or after the cremation process. We will help design a final tribute that is unique and personalized for your family and friends. The service can be small or large, private or public, and with any type of officiate whether it be a rabbi or someone chosen by the family. The same prayers are said at a memorial service as would be said at a traditional service. Your rabbi should be contacted for guidance.
Shmira - Sitting with the deceased.
Tradition encourages, as an act of great respect that the body not be left alone from the time of death until burial. The shomer (watcher) who performs the Shmira can be a family member, friend, or member of the community. Brighton Memorial Chapel can arrange for a student from the Talmudic Institute of Rochester to act as a shomer, if requested.
Shomer - Guard or Watcher
Who is a religious Jew, who recites psalms near the deceased. Traditionally, the deceased is not to be left alone before burial. In the absence of a family member or friend familiar with the prevailing customs, a shomer can be arranged by the funeral home. Traditionally, Psalms (T’hillim) are recited at the time of death.
Neshama - The God given soul.
In Judaism, it is believed when a person dies, the soul or neshama, hovers around the body. This neshama is the essence of the person, the consciousness and totality. This includes the thoughts, deeds, experiences and relations of the deceased. The body was its container. Once a person is buried, the neshama is allowed to make its way to the Eternal World.
Chevra Kadisha - חֶבְרָא קַדִישָׁא
The Chevra Kadisha or “Holy Society” are members of the community who prepare the body for burial. They are a specially trained group of people who perform the mitzvah (Good Deed) of a taharah (Purification). These volunteers ensure that appropriate practices are followed.
Taharah – טַהֲרָה
Ritual Washing - As newborn’s are washed and dressed as they enter the world, so are the dead as they leave this world. The traditional washing and dressing of the deceased is done with the utmost dignity and respect. The tahara is performed by trained members of the Chevra Kadisha (Sacred Society). In accordance with Jewish traditional law, men prepare men, while women prepare women. The Chevra Kadisha dresses the deceased in a simple white burial garment, called tachrichim. Men are also buried with their tallit (prayer shawl), which has been altered by removing one of the fringes. Dirt from Israel is symbolically placed under the head and on the deceased person, and pottery shards are placed over the eyes. Prayers asking for the forgiveness of the deceased and the soul’s eternal peace are offered. The Chevra Kadisha follows all laws that are in accordance with k’vod hamet (respect for the dead).
Tachrichim - תַּכְרִיכִים
Burial Shroud - Traditional white clothing, preferably made of linen, includes: hat, shirt, pants, jacket, belt and wrapping sheet, and for a man, a tallis (prayer shawl), preferably his own, is also worn. The tachrichim is reminiscent of the garments the Kohanim (High Priest) wore when they entered the Great Temple on Yom Kippur (Day of Atonement). Some people are buried in the kittel, a simple linen robe; they may have worn at their wedding, during seders on Passover and during Yom Kippur. The shroud has no pockets, which symbolizes our inability to take along any material possessions on this journey. Rabbi Gamliel introduced this custom about fifty years after the destruction of the Second Temple. Before that, Jews were buried in the garments they wore during life. As time went on, the attire of the dead became more elaborate and extravagant. It became difficult for the poor Jews to show the highest respect for their dead while avoiding the great expense attached to clothing. The tradition of a simple shroud was adapted for the rich and poor, showing that all men are equal before God.
Aron – The burial casket.
In Judaism, the casket must be made completely of wood, with holes at the bottom. Like the tachrichim (burial shroud), the aron should be simple and unadorned. Our prophets tell us “From earth you have come, and to earth you shall return.” (Genesis 3:19). Wooden caskets help with this process in their organic nature, and disintegrate over time. Metal caskets are not permitted by Jewish law because metal is a sign of war. Brighton Memorial Chapel has a large selection of kosher caskets in all price levels, from a traditional pine box to solid mahogany. This is a decision a family will decide on privately, and whatever casket is selected will be appropriate.
Scheduling a Funeral
How soon after death should the funeral be held? – Jewish tradition mandates burial as soon as possible. Long ago, when families lived close together in small communities, burial was usually completed by sundown on the day of the death (the Jewish day begins at sundown and ends the following sundown; hence burial was completed in the day of death). With families spread all over the country and world, funerals can be delayed for travel. A funeral can be held within a few days of death. Arrangements should be made soon after learning of a death. The closest relatives and the rabbi should be called to insure that the funeral is held at the earliest possible time. In this way, respect for the deceased is maintained. Funerals should be scheduled to be compatible with the family, clergy, funeral home and cemetery’s availability. The following are days on which a Jewish funeral would not take place.
- Shabbat (Sabbath) starts at sunset on Friday night and ends an hour after sundown on Saturday night.
- Rosh Hashanah
- Yom Kippur
- Sukkot - (First two and last two days of the holiday)
- Shemini Atzeret
- Pesach (Passover) – (First two and last two days of the holiday)
- Shavuot
When a death occurs, the staff at Brighton Memorial Chapel will sit down with a family and help coordinate and schedule all aspects of the funeral.
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